Two Years

Written by Juicy

Today was supposed to be our two year anniversary. We still live together. We still love each other. We still have sex. We are still monogamous and uninterested in dating others. We still do a lot of the things we’ve always done. That “boyfriend” label disappeared and it is likely that he will move out — but we’ll still work on things even if he does.

He says he’s not happy and needs to prove to himself that he can be responsible. In hindsight, it wasn’t a good idea to turn a 19-year-old (at the time) into a housewife. I made a lot of mistakes. We both did.

We are working on trying to get that spark fully back. The flame isn’t burning bright for him, but until recently it had been blown out for about twelve weeks. I guess its safe to say that we’re going in the right direction.

Today was supposed to be a happy day, but I am afraid it will turn into a sad one. Instead of celebrating what is, I will be pondering what was.

Being best friends complicates matters. I am not lying when I say that we spent every minute together. In a year’s time, we were probably apart a total of 150 hours. We did everything together and did not want it any other way. We still do most things together, but I am also trying to give him some space.

I have never connected with someone (both romantically and as a friend) like I have with him and vice-versa. He is also the first and only guy I’ve trusted in the 10 years I’ve been out and he has yet to do a single thing to make me not trust him.

We have decided that no matter what happens to “us” as a couple, we will always remain the absolute best friends. We’d be those annoying exes that are always up each others asses (not literally, lol…then again, who knows). The ones that talk 15 times a day and hang out a few days a week. If things don’t work out the way we both hope, we will always have a bond and closeness that we will likely never have with anyone else.

Although I will have a thousand thoughts in my head today, I am going to make sure he knows how important he is to me. I wasn’t good at expressing that since I got sick last year. We took each other for granted and now we don’t, which is why things are improving.

I meant it every time I told him that I want to spend the rest of my life with him and that has not changed. I want us to be the old us; he wants us to be the old us. Getting back to the old us — if its even possible — will be a lot of work. I am totally up for the challenge.

I have never had a clean break-up. This is the first. I didn’t even know they were possible. I guess it’s just validation of how strong we were and can be again.

I still love him and am in love with him.